sacrosanct.

i was six
when i kissed a girl
for the first time

we hid our faces beneath a jacket
so our teachers & classmates
wouldn’t see us

in my memory
the grass was especially vibrant
the air bouncy & giddy
our giggles echoing yet contained
beneath the fabric
over our heads

pink, cotton-candy shapes
clouded my mind

for a moment,
i forgot i was wrong

i was a young teen
when my daddy asked me
if i liked girls
my skin felt hot & red
with fear,
shame & secrets

i managed a sharp “no”
& we never spoke of it again

but i couldn’t keep the yearning
from bubbling up
to the surface
and spilling onto the pages,
the lyrics in my notebooks,
in my tone

i was twenty-three
when i kissed a girl
& it didn’t feel like a crime

this time
we were cloaked by
the dusk enveloping us

the ground beneath us remembered
the shaking & stumbling
& pause

this time
i remembered i was right

i recalled the trembling
being a symphony of feeling
that my cup runneth over
with the depths of my humanity

my queerness is relief
it is sweet
it is choosing
to breathe
to soak up the fullness of reprieve
it dances & shimmers with
my melanin & my song

i am wholly
holy
me